"Happiness is a Choice." quote taken from an interview of Drew Barrymore by Kevin Sessums

Monday, July 19, 2010

Highs and Lows

On December 9, the day after my initial consultation with Elizabeth, I receive a call from her assistant Tiffany to see how I’m fairing after the nerve block. Despite receiving some pain relief immediately after the block, slowly that afternoon the pain begins to return and then exceeds where I was before. I can tell that Tiffany is disappointed and she is aware that I have my next appointment on the 15th.

She isn’t the only one who is disappointed. My pain in my back, from my neck to my low back, is worsening. The thoracic pain is so bad that I have trouble rolling from one side to another when in bed and the heating pad is giving me absolutely no relief. Several times a day, I ask Michael to literally push on my trigger points to help release some of the pressure. I have pain running down the back of my left leg and my elbows and wrists are constantly aching. I notice occasional changes in my handwriting when my right hand tingles.

In the meantime, my oldest son’s birthday is approaching quickly and I have to finish my Christmas shopping. I am thankful that places like Target and WalMart have carts so I have something to hang on to.

Since mid-October, Mom has been recovering from a horrific operation on her neck. This is another surgery she has endured as a result of her Psoriatic Arthritis. After 18 days in the hospital, she was eager to get home and yet she knew her entire recovery will last at least one year. I am thrilled, then, when she and Dad call to say that indeed they will be able to come for the Christmas holiday after all. This is the first piece of good news I have received in a LONG time, yet I know this will also be the first time they will see me since the accident and diagnosis. I know that they know what to expect, but everything is so much more real when you see things with your own eyes and hear things with your own ears. I am so pleased that we did put forth the effort to decorate the house and I am excited to hang up their stockings with ours. Mom is eager to meet Elizabeth and is hoping that I will have an appointment with her while they are here. As it turns out, Mom’s oldest half-brother and his wife will also be in TX for a short visit to see their son and his family who live about one hour away. Dinner plans are made for everyone to get together for the first time in several years.

Despite my renewed excitement for the Christmas season, I can’t deny that I am not getting any better; I am only getting worse. I feel like a dark cloud is following me like a shadow and I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of it.


On a complete side-note, I have been asked if I feel like a guinea pig. I don’t know if that is the right term, although I completely understand the question. Since my accident in June 2009, I was on a quest to seek answers to what indeed was wrong with me when my breaks healed but the pain worsened. Other than the orthopedist, I have been fortunate that every doctor I have seen since has completely believed that indeed something was terribly wrong. The struggle has been to diagnose what is wrong, how to treat it and if there is anything else going on that we just don’t know about yet. In future blogs, this will be addressed more and, unfortunately, this is a problem that I continue to battle today.

Keep the comments and questions coming and thank you for reading!


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