"Happiness is a Choice." quote taken from an interview of Drew Barrymore by Kevin Sessums

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Where is That Train That Ran Me Over?

As many of you noticed who were looking for my latest entry yesterday, I did not post one. Unfortunately from the moment I woke up yesterday morning, I was miserable. For the fourth time last week, I had a migraine and my low back was screaming at me. Eventually after taking a really long, warm shower and using the heating pad off and on for a couple of hours (yes, even in the middle of summer, heating pads are sometimes necessary!), the migraine and low back pain lessened, but nausea took over and both legs were aching. By late afternoon, both feet were aching too and by the evening my right foot was having muscle spasm and kept jerking from the pain. After taking an Ultram and then a really warm bath, the spasms lessened but about a half hour later, I finally gave up and went to bed. Except for a quick trip to the grocery store and taking the boys to a birthday party, all other “plans” for the day were put on hold.

This is a major problem with RSD and all other auto-immune disorders……you can be minding your own business and doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, and yet some mornings you will wake up and wonder “where is that train that ran me over?” Sometimes this pain happens in the middle of the day, other times at night. But when it happens first thing in the morning, it seems especially cruel and unfair. How can I carry on with my normal, daily responsibilities when I can barely move without grimacing and I can barely eat without throwing up?

I wanted to respond to Sue who left me a comment two days ago on the blog itself. As I have said before, many times RSD is a chameleon. It can behave like other auto-immune disorders and, at times, it can trick you into thinking that either you are getting better or you don’t have it at all because you have a string of days in which you feel pretty good and then, almost as a punishment, the symptoms come back hard and without mercy. These strings of “good days” are like gold when they appear and its crushing when they go away, again.

As I write more of my blog, Sue, you will also learn that osteo-arthritis and fibromyalgia will also be added to my RSD diagnosis. My mother who was finally diagnosed with PsA (Psoriatic Arthritis) had also been diagnosed with “incompetent bone” (which always seemed incredibly stupid to me because to be considered “incompetent” would mean it was once “competent” and bone doesn’t “think” for its own) and, for a while, considered the possibility of Sjorgens. My mom now sees a fabulous Rheumatologist who is one of the leading experts of PsA in the United States.

I COMPLETELY understand your comment of your baffled kids because mine are also baffled about what is going on and what happened to the “old mom?” Some of my friends and family also have shown little interest, understanding or sympathy for what I’m going through and then others have risen above and beyond what I would have ever expected.

I do completely understand what you and so many other RSD patients go through……the pain, frustrations, resentment and the “death” of the “former” self. As I continue my entries, you will learn more about my personal experiences. My ultimate hope is that my blog will perhaps play a small role in helping others who live with auto-immune sufferers understand what we go through and that maybe, just maybe, these entries and comments will encourage more research into the mysteries of RSD so that indeed our symptoms can be better controlled and perhaps go into a remission.

Thank you so much Sue for your comment!

1 comment:

  1. Your so right about some people in our lives just give up they just cannot or will not understand and then others become amazing in our time of need in my case the friends I thought would be here for me are not and the ones I thought would give up on me have been here all along not once complaining & always understanding. Thank God for the people in our lives that care for us. I don't think I could survive RSD with out them!
    Keep up the good work with your blog. It's nice to be able to read things that happen to me or things I'm thinking. Thank you!